If you are a human, odds are you are bound to make mistakes in your life. When stuff like this happens, it can be very debilitating . You feel inferior, insecure and sometimes just plain stupid. “Worry” becomes the predominant emotion at this time.
What has helped me in such situations is the gift of perspective and zooming out of the situation. I learned this trick from Robin Sharma. When we are too close too a situation- it seems a huge disaster that we are unable to overcome. But when we try to zoom out and look at things from a distance, we are able to see it for what its worth.
Here are a few questions to help you put things in perspective.
Did someone die? [ Extreme Gravity of the Impact]
Will this matter 10 years from now? [Extreme Distance from the event
When you look at your mistakes from these lenses and try to compare it – either with a serious impact such as death Or a really long time perspective- you start to see that the thing you are bothered about seems very tiny in comparison.
I use the time distance question a lot and if something its not going to matter in ten years, then its only a matter of time before it passes.
So next time you make a mistake or are worried about a situation, try Zooming out, comparing them from a different lens and pretty soon you will return to a much better mental space.
I learnt the concept of running towards ones fear from a beautiful story that I heard from Robin Sharma. It’s a simple story, but I keep coming back to it from time to time whenever I catch myself fearful of doing something or facing a tough situation.
There was once a wise Master who was walking through the gardens of a monastery. As the monks took the Master on a walk through the beautiful gardens, they passed through a section where there were three large ferocious looking dogs who were bound by chains. The monks quietly passed by and kept walking on showing the wise Master, the other beautiful flowers and plants that were adorning the garden. As they reached the other end of the garden, suddenly they heard loud howling and barking and when the Master and the other monks turned around to see, they were horrified – the wild dogs had broken through their chains and were running towards them.
While all the other monks were still gaping for breath, they suddenly witnessed another puzzling sight. The Master had starting running towards the direction of the dogs with amazing speed. The dogs had never seen anything like this. They were used to being the aggressors but seeing the Master running towards them, they quickly stopped barking, slowed down and turned back to where they came from.
The moral of the story was when you run towards your fears instead of away from them – you are taking away the power of fear and you realise that what you originally feared didn’t bother you at all once you had taken the action to face it.
I’ve listened to this story time and again on Robin’s podcast and this has become a go to hack for me whenever im stuck with inaction and afraid to face a difficult scenario.
So next time you come across a similar situation – Try Running directly towards your fears and see how quickly you can gain control of your emotions and become a stronger individual mentally.
Hygge got me hooked on to Meik Wiking and the whole Danish philosophy of happiness. This book – The Little Book of LYKKE, the Danish search for the World’s happiest people – was a perfect Segway into the world of Lykke ( pronounced : “Luuh Kah”).
Happiness > most things in life
I keep coming back to this book from time to time. Everytime I do, I keep wondering: Why do I love this book so much? Perhaps, I am at a stage in life where peace and happiness are a topmost priority for me. Any thing that helps me improve my happiness quotient is something that piques my interest immediately.
The author Meik Wiking is the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute based in Copenhagen Denmark and he and his colleagues spend their days discovering happiness secrets. (I secretly envy their jobs) This book talks about 6 aspects of life that are connected to our happiness. What I really like about his book apart from the fact that is a visual delight (on the same lines as the Little Book of Hygge) is a recurring summary section called “Happiness Tips” spread across the book. I keep revisiting the book on a frequent basis just to read some of the tips.
Its tough to do so. The next best thing is to expect it. Here is an interesting extract from the chapter on Money
Happiness Tip: Expect the hedonic treadmill
“Take time to enjoy the journey towards your goal while also being mindful that achieving your goal will not fulfil you completely.
Expect and understand that reaching our goal might make you happy – but only for a while. We continuously raise the bar for what we want or feel we need in order to be happy. Getting your book published will make you happy for a while and then you adjust your ambition to hitting the Sunday Times bestseller list, becoming a global phenomenon. I speak from personal experience.
I think we are yet to find the one thing that will permanently quench our thirst when it comes to ambition. So perhaps we need to consider how to turn the idea of the pursuit of happiness into the happiness of the pursuit. (emphasis added by me)People on a quest for something they find meaningful- whether that is building a boat or growing a tomato – tend to be happier; they know that happiness is the by-product of the process and not a pot of gold at the finish line.
This one line encapsulates the spirit of the book for me. Turning the pursuit of happiness into the happiness of the pursuit is such a liberating idea.
Expectation makes the heart grow fonder
I’m sure a lot of us have an experience of planning a trip. Have you ever wondered that the whole planning for the trip and anticipation of the vacation brings you as much joy if not more than the actual trip. Turns out it’s a genuine thing. Once again it’s such a simple idea to integrate into your day to day life.
As I grow older, I am more interested in improving the happiness quotient in my life. I am constantly on the look out books, articles and podcasts on how to lead a more happier and peaceful life. It’s probably natural for life priorities to mature over time. Happiness and peace have become a key priority for me.
In this quest, one of the books that caught my attention was – The Little Book of Hygge- The Danish way to Living Well by Meik Wiking. I have always been a fan of vicarious learning. If people have figured something out- there is no shame in following in the footsteps on the wise women and men. Life is too short to make all your own mistakes.
Denmark is one of the happiest countries in the world. So when a Danish author gives your tips on living well -you listen very closely. I was also very intrigued by Meik’s background. He is the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute based in Denmark. Yup- you read that right. There is actually an organization whose key purpose is to study happiness. I was already sold on the book before I even read it.
As I was struggling about what next to write about on the blog, I turned to my tried and tested method of sorting through my thinking – which is journaling. Putting pen to paper – the old fashioned way – real pen on a moleskine notebook gives me the the clarity of thought I crave for. Everytime I do end up journaling – I chastise myself for not doing it so often despite the fact that the feeling is so therapeutic. There is something absolute pure and unfiltered about getting all the chatter in your head down on a peace of paper. I cant really call it meditation – but I guess that’s what the experience feels like.
So in a nutshell – what I suggest today for folks who just cant seem to get out of their head and feel increasing bouts of anxiety – get it all out in a journal.
Not an original idea – but It works -so you have to try it yourself. A lot of creative folks try to get stuck in this whole paradigm of having something original to say. But repeating and doing what the wordly wise have done for ages to come and passing on that worldly wisdom to perhaps 1 tender soul who’s never heard it before is worth it in my view. If you have heard it before, consider this a reaffirmation of its benefits.
A bunch of youngsters took on the mighty full strength Australian team and beat them to win the Test series in Australia. I was fortunate enough to catch the last few overs of this test match. It still gives me goosebumps thinking about the match and the unbelievable victory. I am sure most Indians like me perhaps woke up praying that it would rain for half a day atleast and we would be able to draw out the match. Far too often have we seen past teams crumble under pressure. It wasn’t meant to be however. This was after all a Terrific Tuesday.
It is definitely a moment to cherish. As I sit back late at night going over umpteen articles and forwards trying to relive those moments, several parallels to day to day life came to the fore. These are 3 important life lessons that were reaffirmed for me and i would like to remember from this historic cricketing victory
Being on the wrong side of 40, what I struggle with on a daily basis is the fine line between being content versus being in a comfort zone. I have been accused more than once as not seeming to have enough ambition. While the Zen gurus will ask you to aim for the former, the go getters will perhaps chide you for being less ambitious.
But is this really an all or nothing statement. My thought experiments on this subject have been the fuel of many daydreams.
2020 ofcourse did give me plenty of time to introspect in broad daylight in the comfort of my own home. If nothing else, the pandemic did give me and perhaps a lot of people a very clear picture on how little it took to survive on a day to day basis and therefore what true contentment would really seemlike.
The time to introspect did remind me of this poem- “Leisure” by William Henry Davies that I read in school. The true meaning of which is only sinking in after decades. The open line of the poem reads as below
“What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare”
